If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
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