just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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