I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Randomize
