In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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