god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
