I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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