Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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