I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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