i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
