Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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