Having a random hookup so left but love u
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
