i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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