Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
