Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
