Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
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