after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
