so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
she told me i tasted like america
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
