Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
