My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
