this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
