Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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