dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
