i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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