Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
My dad just said "fuck circus"
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
