Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Even my vagina gasped.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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