I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
