Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize
