***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
