Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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