I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
farters have to be the big spoon...
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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