He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
