i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Randomize
