I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
time to smoke my breakfast
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
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