he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
