I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
