I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
