last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
