i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
