So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
