im six kinds of drunk right now
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
