I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
