Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
