I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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