you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
It's shark week go big or go home
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Randomize
