Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Randomize
