just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
tonight lets celebrate not being married
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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