his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
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