My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
