how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Randomize
