so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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