The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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