Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
