someone threw a dead crab at me
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Congratulations! We have a period
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