It's like a parade of train wrecks.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
